It is with great anticipation that I await the coming of AFA ‘09. This event, which is just over a month away, promises to bring heightened levels of moe to the host country. One of the newest “attractions” this year is the inception of this seemlingly gimmicky experience zone called the “Moe Moe Kyun Maid Cafe“
On the surface, a maid cafe appears to be a great idea. It can serve to bring in the crowd, especially curious people who have yet to perceive what exactly the contents of a maid cafe are. Certainly, the image of cute girls in maid outfits coquettishly serving you tea is hard to resist. The deluge of animes containing fanservice episodes of maid cafes further prove the potential profitability of such a venture. However, the reality might turn out to be more monstrous than initially envisioned. My feelings changed wildly from when I first heard about the maid cafe, to when I appraised the quality of maids hired. I’ll let the following picture demonstrate this change of feeling.
I’ll not bother to make any conclusions of my own, but instead leave the reader to make his/her own conclusion. Instead, I’ll launch into a brief discussion on moe. Consider the possible existence of a character with the following combination of mostly popular moe traits:
Tsundere DFC Loli Maid Robot with Twintails.
If you’ve been lurking in the relevant places in the internet, you will swiftly agree with me that certain groups of people place high emphasis on each of these traits. Therefore, it is not incorrect to call them moe traits.
A conventional expectation among the general populace is that moe traits stack directly. This implies that someone with 6 moe traits is 6 times more moe than someone with only 1 moe trait. My contention is that this common notion is wrong, and that moe traits stack diminishingly. I’ll go out on a limb now and say that the rate at which it diminishes is an arbitrary value determined by the number of traits present, the degree of success of the implementation of each individual trait, and the quality of the subject in question. Since it is probably impossible to prove the invalidity of my statement, you’ll have to accept my postulate at face value.
Let us now examine a case study.
This is Yui, from the anime OVA Koharu Biyori. Before we proceed further, let us define a few variables.
Let S = the set containing the moe traits listed above.
Then, |S| = 6, and P(S) = power set of S.
Assume there exist Y = the set containing the moe traits of Yui.
Furthermore, it is given that Y is an element in P(S).
From background information, we also know that Y contains at least the elements loli, maid, robot, and twintails.
If we were to compare Yui with, say, Maria from Hayate no Gotoku based on a direct stacking effect, we can see that Yui holds an overwhelming advantage. However, in reality, this is not exactly the case. Maria currently holds the 22nd position in this year’s International Saimoe League, while Yui is nowhere to be found in both 2009 and 2008’s competition. From this, we can either draw the inference that Koharu Biyori is a totally unheard-of show, or that my conjecture is the superior one. Readers who are interested in confirming my observation may utilise any available means to peruse the aforementioned shows, in order to arrive at the same conclusion as I did.
So, after rambling for a few hundred words, what does this all mean for the soon-to-be ill-fated Moe Moe Kyun Cafe? Actually, nothing much really. It’s just that trying to appeal to attendees of AFA ‘09 using maids alone is not enough. They need to bring in the lolis, kemonomimi, twintails, bunny girls, zettai ryouiki, etc, then combine them all into an explosive mix of ownage. It doesn’t really matter if the traits stack diminishingly, really. As long as each moe trait adds positively to the result, just throw it in! They can’t really go too wrong with that. If they accidentally end up with some abomination, hell, people would pay to see abominations. That’s why freak shows exist.
So, to end off this post, I’ll give you a Youtube video, to thank you for your patience in reading this article. Lyrics are here.
Now, before you feel distraught about my apparently deviant inclinations, rest assured that any such machinations remain firmly locked within the deepest recesses of my mind. I certainly look upon the actual execution of such acts as heinous and devious, not to mention violating a fundamental tenet of our faith.
